Article Club!

One of the treasures I loved most about graduate school is that I had a robust community of people surrounding me. Being part of a cohort and a student affairs unit that was friendly and strong afforded me many groups and individuals to truly be part of. I got really used to loving it...and then I graduated and learned that community like that is truly special and unique. It doesn't exist everywhere...unless you decide to create it. After identifying community as an entity that I truly missed, I decided to do just that...enter the Article Club.

Inspired by this blog post [http://cupofjo.com/2014/10/an-articles-club/] and Shauna Niequist's true love for the magic that happens when individuals gather around a table, I tapped three (uh...most) of my Cleveland gal pals, and introduced them to this idea. They agreed to jump in with me and this morning, we met for the second time. The idea is that we choose a topic, find a related article and read one a month. Then, we get together to talk about it and any other topic that surfaces (this morning that was doctors appointments, the monumental job that parenting will be some day, and general life updates). I am SUCH a fan and am thankful that these women jumped on board with my goals of creating consistent out-of-work relationships (check), intellectual conversation (check), and girlfriends with which to live life (check). Our time together has been such a blessing to me already and I know that time with our sweet Article Club will be something I cherish for a long time. It is proof to me that it doesn't take an army to create an environment that makes you feel loved. Community looks and feels different in this stage of life - it takes a little more commitment and courage to create it, and it is necessary all the same. 

And if you're curious:

Meeting 1 Article: Friends of a Certain Age (the difficulties of making friends in the 'real world')

Meeting 2 Article: Sexist Dress Codes (I'm sure you've heard about this one)

Living with Purpose

I think I've stumbled upon a true sign of adulthood: when cliches become true. Like they are FULL of REAL truth. You know that one about how we're supposed to live life to the fullest? I've been thinking a whole lot on that one recently, and it's really challenging me to ponder beyond it's "cliche" boundaries.

All of this came about because I was casually contemplating life and death one day. Have you ever thought about how they are sort of similar? One day you exist in a sort of hidden way, and the next day you are very much alive and in the world when you're born. Likewise, one day you are definitely living and the next...you aren't. Morbid or not, it's true. 

I'm sure many have thought about this earlier than it sank in for me but...what are we even doing here on this earth? What is our purpose? It has to be greater than easily existing. I mean, think about it. Without some sort of mission, we are literally just these strange creatures...wandering, doing strange things that arbitrarily fill our time. Maybe it is just the optimist in me, but there has to be more than that, right? How do we find out about this true purpose? How do we identify something that will fill up our days so that they're meaningFULL?

(And then sometimes I digress)...but...is purpose even important at all if it could all be gone tomorrow? Can't we just live and die and never ever have it mean anything more than just...that? Are we trying to make too much meaning of something that literally has no meaning at all? 

I can't believe that. 

If our time is limited and our purpose unclear but only set by ourselves...and if we truly only have a finite time to figure it out...isn't the answer to living life to it's utmost fullest defining a purpose that will continue long after the dying day? 

I've decided that the way for me to be filled with the most purpose is to extend my life through sharing it with other people. I can't imagine that God created me to live and die, and nothing more. I believe we are far more extraordinary and useful than that. I've been created as someone with strong convictions, a loving (but imperfect) heart, and with a deeply empathetic persona...those are gifts and are not meant to gather dust on a shelf, or to just be acknowledged and filed...they're meant to be used. It seems like I have been given vast opportunity to fulfill this purpose through being a mentor, partner, friend and in all of the other ways I enter relationships with other people. Some want to make a difference in the world...I just want to make a difference in people. I want to give them whatever they need from me through sharing my life, my story, my beliefs, my struggles...whatever it may look like from day to day. Whatever I can do to impart pieces of the gifts given to me onto others so that the world won't be void of them...ever, because I truly believe that we are all that special. 

The beauty of it all, and really what makes the world go 'round, is that we all have a different purpose. I love it so much, and I am happy to be able to contribute to the lives of others through mine. What is your purpose, friend?

"Well, looks like you have Mono."

Rewind to three weeks ago. I got home from a later night at work, was feeling a little funny, and woke up at 3am with a pain in my left side. After spending time on the phone with my boyfriend, the "nurse on call" for my insurance company (who knew that was a thing...), and panicking that somehow MY appendix was actually in my left side, I went back to bed and visited the urgent care the next morning. 2 days later, I was in the ER because the pain had worsened and between that and a visit to a urologist, I learned that my kidney was swollen which is possible evidence that I had passed a kidney stone without knowledge. Hm.

A week later, I was feeling better but was still experiencing extreme exhaustion, all along pretending I was fine due to two fun, warm, sunny trips I had planned during this week. After getting back from trip #1, I caved in to my malaise and squeezed in another trip to urgent care to address the knives-in-throat pain I was experiencing (and covering with ibuprofen). No strep. Tonsillitis. Blood work. Antibiotic. Should be feeling better next day. Positive thoughts. Yay.

I was sitting in the airport in Nashville on Thursday and called the doctor to get the results of my blood work and what do you know...this 27 year old professional has mono. "Isn't that a thing that only college students get?" I asked. Nope. Blood work don't lie. Mono has moved right on in to my little body. Rude.

You know the type of news that simultaneously makes you feel relieved and also knocked over? That was this. Happy to have answers, annoyed at the weeks of sore throats and exhaustion that will follow...especially when on my way to a girls weekend beach vacation. Blah.

In true fashion, I started to think about the meaning behind the timing of this. Although most people would claim there is no meaning and it is just bad luck, I rarely, rarely think that way. Everything has meaning to me. At the very basic level, I was thankful to get the diagnosis while en route to 5 full days of sun and nothing but moving slow, no agendas, and relaxation. What a blessing that was.

So, here we go. Lessons from the mono:

1. Slow down. Too much IS a very real thing for you. 

• This sounds extremely dramatic, but life can be very demanding (and will just become more so). I used to be able to do it. To be able to work a lot, and still push my adventure-loving, night-is-young self to fill the off-hours. I can't do it any more. It isn't healthy for me and I have to pay attention and rest. Something just has to give. 

2. You have to learn and listen to your own body.

• I remember learning this a few years back. Our bodies are really cool things and most often, they're designed to let you know if something is wrong. I have to listen to that and to not second guess any of it. 

3. FIND A PRIMARY CARE DOCTOR.

• Ha. I've finally learned this one. Finding doctors in a new city is just...difficult. However, that whole saga above would've been a lot smoother and easier had I found myself a trusted primary care doctor.  The hassle of not having a doctor isn't worth it, and I'm sure that it is comforting to have someone that you can call when things pop up. But, DON'T WORRY, I now have a urologist!! Lesson learned.  

4. At the same time, we all have a little doctor in us that should be trusted.

• I said almost a week before I was diagnosed that I had mono. I have text messages to prove it! Having a doctor is helpful, but sometimes we know what is wrong and just need it confirmed. 

5. Question authority sometimes...respectfully.

• Remember that second urgent care trip? He wasn't going to test me for mono until I asked about it. I've learned this is part of taking care of myself...when it comes to health, I have to be good at asking the right questions and making sure that doctors have a full picture of what is going on inside. Doctors are people, too, and sometimes it is okay to throw them a bone. 

6. Hug your support system. (and return the favor).

• Thankful. Sickness could be so lonely. 

7. This won't be the last time sickness overtakes your plans.

• Vacation = long days on the beach, yummy cocktails, late nights, etc. HA. A few hours on the beach, lots of throat-numbing medicine, naps, one cocktail, and early evenings. It is all okay and I have to learn to be better at being sick and letting go of the pride that makes me want to push forward through it. Rest, rest, rest, doing everything my body needs to get healthy. 

8. The answer is the beach (or another happy place).

• Again, this trip has been the biggest, most tremendous blessing. There is no better place to be sick and to relax than at the beach. 

Happiness: Halt!

Last night, I was perusing facebook and began to feel that nagging, their-life-is-better-than-yours attitude sneak in. I put down my phone and said to my partner "I think maybe I should give up Facebook for Lent."

There was a lot wrapped up in that statement, but the conversation that followed was about my view of happiness. My faithful readers (ha) will remember that I started this blog, almost TWO years ago with a post titled A Happiness Journey. I had just celebrated a birthday and decided then that I was committed to discovering happiness in the year following. I was committed to being on a path towards happiness, and to doing more of what truly brought me joy.

We continued to talk about why my happiness depends on the lives of other people, and how it really doesn't, but that I often find myself comparing and wondering "how can they be so happy all the time!? Should I be that happy? Are there things that I should be doing that would make me HAPPIER?!" If that reads: exhausting to you, you would be correct. But...I can't stop asking those questions if I'm on a happiness journey, right?

Wrong. Today, I'm wrestling with what a journey to happiness really means. I've done a lot of self-help reading on the topic and honestly, I think maybe I've missed a huge piece of the puzzle.

"But babe, happiness is a choice," he said. "And...there is a difference between happiness and what brings you pleasure. Those two things are not the same."

AND THEN...I woke up to this in my Best Lent Ever devotional:

(It appears that this is something I should explore.)

Happiness is a choice. Happiness is a choice. For someone who sometimes has trouble making a decision on what to have for breakfast, this is sorta scary. What exactly does this mean and how does one make a practice of choosing happiness in all of her moments?

That is a question that lends itself to another journey because I certainly do not know the answer. It is comforting though...to know this means knowing that I am 100% in control of my own happiness and that my joy is not dependent on anyone else...or on any social media picture...or on the way that anyone else defines their own happiness. It has no bearing on my ability and desire to be happy...I am the only one that can impact that.

So really, happiness is less about doing and more about just being. 

I read this article this morning (because this is an extremely popular topic...) and I think I found my new mantra and a start to an answer to the questions above:

Savor. Life is made up of many, many sweet moments and what is happier than holding on to those? I'm not sure what better defines happiness than the people and moments that make my heart feel full.

Savor. 

Cold Day Rest

Today,  I am experiencing a "cold day."

I'm not going to hide it...I jumped up and down when I read that text. Even my extroverted, must-be-around-people self is loving this day of unexpected rest alone. Praise it for being an unessential employee! 

Over the past few months, I've learned to truly value rest. Not the "sleep 8 hours a night" kind of rest, but the kind of rest that allows me to just...sit. And think. Or not think. And the kind of rest that leaves me with nowhere to be.  This is a sharp change in my life. I used to be one of those people who glorified busyness. I loved a full schedule and I hated being alone with nowhere to be. I filled up my life with people, places, problems, and projects. A successful weekend had time for chores during the day and each night planned with someone, somewhere. And now...I'm still in my pjs, doing laundry, and am on my 4th hour of shows on the Food Network and I.am.LOVING it. 

Rest, to me, looks like this today: feet up on the table, tv on, candle burning, plans to slowly clean, computer in hand, kindle at reach, a grateful heart for a day wiped of work (knowing that it will all still be there for me tomorrow) and not an ounce of care about the subzero temperatures. Lazy? Not to my new rest-loving self!

This new found fame of unplanned time in my life does not guarantee that it happens - I recognize that is potentially part of its value. Truth is, it rarely happens that an entire day is up to me, but let me tell you that I've started to look for these pockets of spare time. I've reframed the blessing of an hour, an evening, a full free day. I'm learning to put a big old stake in the time that is mine and to use it for blissful rest. 

If you're like me, rest is a learned love. I encourage you to explore it...find what fills your soul and the different ways that you gain energy and then do those, even if you have to start by scheduling them. In my opinion, mental health days should be a real, approved, celebrated thing. 

A Starting Over, Of Sorts

I love this little blog. I love it because it's filled with words (my favorite), with thoughts that I've wrestled with, and with what I hope is encouragement. I love it because it helps me process, to get out of my own head, and to engage in conversation. Something I don't love about it? I just can't seem to be consistent!

Since I wrote my last post (October...awful!), I've often thought about writing, but haven't found anything to say. I've said more than once "I just haven't been inspired..." and in this moment, I'm calling my own bluff. The past few months have been FULL of discovery, FULL of trial, and FULL of learning that should have led to incredible joy. I've struuuugggggllleeeddd through change and transition (a theme throughout this space). I've been fully tested on vulnerability,  I've experienced pure, true, exciting love, I've taken trips, found new pizza places, and had conversations with students who are just about to change the world. How can all of that be anything less than inspiring?

So here is what I'm thinking...I'm committing to be inspired everyday. To search for little shiny things in seemingly boring moments. To take note of the extraordinary words and actions from people around me. And...to write about my experiences. To tell stories, to share thoughts, and to write so that I am able to fully realize how wonderful, colorful, and inspiring this life really is.

Expectations or Limitations?

"Nearly all the best things that came to me in life have been unexpected, unplanned by me." - Carl Sandburg

I have a lot of questions today. 

I've heard before (and believed) that having high expectations sets you up for failure. I understand the sentiment, but recently I've been working on a perspective shift…could expectations essentially be limitations? If we have expectations of any degree, will we miss outcomes that could be even greater than the ones we experience due to setting our sights specifically on what we believe (or want) to be true?

If I expect to go to the grocery store to simply buy the items on my list, will I miss the fact that Peanut m&ms are on sale? (Such a shame!) More seriously…if I set an expectation for the qualities I want in a partner…will I shut myself off to someone who is even greater than that prescribed expectation? That list of qualities that I decided were important (so important that I wrote them down…) 5 years ago could end up being a limitation if I've conditioned myself to search for them and only them. What if those expectations really are setting us up for disappointment? If our expectation is that it will not snow until December, and it ends up snowing in October, will we miss the beauty because we've covered it up with disbelief?

What if we didn't have an expectation? What if we lived truly moment by moment and everything that came to us was a surprise..one for which we were always grateful? Will that practice limit disappointment? Does it limit inconvenience? Could having an expectation possibly limit…joy?

I'm starting to wonder if expectations make our worlds less colorful, if they shut us off from all things possible, and if we are selling ourselves short by being rigid in our desires.

This view is not to discount standing firm on your values and being sure of your worth. You deserve that job you've worked hard for. You deserve to be treated fairly and you deserve a partner who far exceeds your non-negotiable standards. I'm only suggesting that, when there's room, we loosen our expectations to leave room for surprises that we didn't even know to want.

Discouragement.

"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage." 

- Anais Nin

A few weeks ago, I wrote this post on transition. As I've worked through my own period (read: life) of transition, I've been paying attention to my attitudes and feelings and how they ebb and flow in relation to it. Some days, I feel like I can take on the world. Some days make me feel healthily challenged, and still some make me feel…discouraged.

Discouragement is an interesting feeling. In my experience, it encompasses feelings of fear, loneliness, trepidation, and unmet expectations. It takes your hope and shrinks it, covers up your confidence, and often quiets your voice. I'm a fan of feelings, but this one isn't one of my favorites.

Here's what I've learned though…when you're discouraged, when something in life has you down, when your expectations aren't being met, all you can do is keep moving forward. In fact, that is the only and the most important answer. Even when it feels hard, impossible, and like an upward climb, we have to make the commitment to dive head first into the mess. And that is the secret…the commitment. Making the choice to improve our own situation and to ask for what we need helps us to regain control that maybe feels lost. We have to take a breath, and just do what it takes. Google ways to make friends in a new city,  join a dating site, apply for a new job, go to a movie by yourself…just do it.  Because…really, what is the alternative? It might feel better in the moment to not be vulnerable and to stay safe, but does it really? I think we are rewarded for plowing through discouragement. Life happens in moments of intense courage and those moments aren't given to us…we have to create and take them.

For a Lifetime

I had the absolute honor of presenting the Devotional to begin the closing business session at the 2014 Phi Mu National Convention. Here it is!

Well, here we are…the last business session! That is wild…it always goes so quickly!

When I was a junior at Miami and serving Beta Eta as Vice President, I had the opportunity to travel to Peachtree City for a leadership conference with Phi Mu. When we were in the Cincinnati airport, all wearing our letters, we ran into a group of women who were also Phi Mus who were still traveling to vacation together 20 years after their college graduation. That was my first glimpse of how special this organization would be to me for a lifetime…and then a few years later, I was serving on staff and attended my first National Convention and my mind was blown.

Recently, I started a job as a fraternity and sorority advisor at a school in Ohio. Have you ever had someone question your decision to join a Greek organization? I get similar responses when I explain that I’ve chosen this as my career. I get even more sideways looks when I explain that yes, I still volunteer my time to an organization that I joined in college. What I wish so many could understand is how much more Phi Mu means to us. I wish that everyone could see what we’ve done here this week. I wish that they could be standing in the back of this room right now to witness it.

They would obviously see hundreds of women. They would begin to understand that this is far more than a social club, although that pool party was pretty fabulous. They would see that we have gathered for something larger than ourselves, and that we care about the strength, quality, and longevity of this, our organization. The alumnae in the room would share about their collegiate experience and the many years of memories that they’ve made with sisters post-college. I would hope to have the opportunity to tell them how thankful I am and how special so many of you are to me.  

You are special because you have known me since I was a new member, you befriended me when I joined the HQ staff, you’ve trusted me with projects that will forever make our organization stronger, and have become my truest lifelong friends. You have shown me what it means to be a mother, a strong professional, and a volunteer and that as women, we can truly have it all. You are special because it does not matter to which city I adventure next, you will be there to welcome me and to help me make it a home.  I’ve just completed my third interstate move and I did this one with such confidence because of Phi Mu. All you need to know about me is that we share a Ritual and that is enough for you to offer your homes, help, and care.  I know that “not 4 years, for life” has become the newest popular hashtag, but don’t let those words lose meaning…they’re some of the truest to me!

So, as we leave each other tomorrow, I hope that you can experience that our bond really does transcend time and location. I hope that in your future, you experience meeting a Phi Mu in a job interview, feeling comforted by a sister calling at exactly the right time, and that you always display your membership proudly. Be confident when you explain that joining this organization was the best decision that you’ve ever made because, believe me, even at my young age, I can tell you that you will mean that for a lifetime. Thank you.

Transition - It's Hard and Here to Stay.

"It's not the change that's hard. It is the loss associated with that change that is hard."

I love this quote and I've been thinking a lot over the past few months about how true it is. I've always felt that change is hard. I don't like it and I don't think I ever will. Even if I know something great is on the horizon, I struggle through transition. This quote tells me why. I'm capable of making changes in my life, of moving on, etc, but what I am terrible at is letting go. 

Is change hard? Sure. Examples: Are breakups hard? YES. But what really makes me so heartbroken is the loss of having a person, of feeling valued and safe, and of what the future could have been. The breakup is hard, but the loss is worse. Is leaving college/school/a job hard? Definitely. But it isn't the change that is really that difficult (no homework, more free time?!)…it is walking away from comfort, not being able to see the people who have strengthened you, made you laugh, loved you, and who quickly became your family. It is walking away from a job that gave you such purpose, that taught you how to be successful, and how to take it all in stride. Is starting a diet hard? Sure but…what is harder is abandoning what you used to eat, not sleeping in on a Saturday, having more free time before making that gym commitment. Is moving hard? UGH YES. Okay yeah…moving is just hard.  

Trucking through transition often feels like walking through an almost-dry cement river. It is difficult, and feels slow, but you almost feel you need to move as fast as possible to get to the other side so that you can stop feeling loss. Being on the other side of transition allows us to create something new that eventually fills up the space that the loss left. What I'm learning is that it is all okay. It is okay that I don't like change and that I'm scared of the loss. It is okay that, for now, I feel like I'm just wandering. I'm learning that life will always be this way. It'll be rare to find a phase of life that isn't framed by transition. It was great to learn about transition theories in grad school but I think I need to write my own called "The Buckle Up, Life = Transition Theory."

There isn't much encouragement coming from this post other than sharing with you where I currently stand. I think we all struggle with transition at some point…some of you are just better letting go-ers than I am, but I'm okay with that, too.

"How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard?" 

- Winnie the Pooh

Strangely, I think that the past two years have given me a (very little) glimpse of what it is like to be a parent. Although I skipped ages 0-17 with these students, I've learned that parents always want the best for their children and that they just wish that they would listen and learn from the experiences of their own pasts. I value the time that I've had to invest in the lives of my students…and am thankful for the space that they've given me to do so. It is my hope that beyond leadership, conflict management, and StrengthsQuest, that I can teach them about life earlier than I learned of it. I believe in the value of experience, but maybe my own experiences can save them from excess hurt and confusion…and todays thoughts are on dating. So, from someone who feels like a strange mix of big sister, teacher and mother, here is my best (tried and true) advice.

• Keep the person of your dreams in mind.
• They really are out there. Your perfect person is out there and each decision we make with another potential "love" interest impacts that future relationship. The behaviors that you develop now are shaping the way your relationship will be with your forever partner. Work now for the health of that relationship. This means letting people go who don't realize your worth, listening to those who keep you honest, and having willpower and self-control. It seems weird to think of someone you don't know yet, but I view it as gift to my future husband…I respect him enough already to make good decisions. Forever really begins now…with you, single. 
• If you find yourself wondering for more than a few months if the person you're dating (or "dating") has the potential to be your one for life, they probably aren't. 
• If this person is making questionable choices, has stopped treating you like their priority, and cannot communicate how they feel about you, they aren't ready for you…and you cannot wait for them.  You do not have to be 100% positive, but if you know the potential isn't even there…be strong enough to walk away because…well, #1. 
• We are young and a work in progress. Work to be the person you are looking for is looking for. 
• I first heard this during an unconventional sermon series on dating a few years ago and it truly changed my perspective (it's good…let me know if you're interested). Think about your daily actions like this…would I want my future partner to be doing this today? Would I want them to say this? Would I want them to treat people in this way? If the answer is no, maybe you shouldn't be doing it either. 
• Discover your own worthiness. You are invaluable and deserve someone who will treat you as such. Spend time figuring out how to love the person you are becoming. If you need help, I would be happy to provide. 
• Having their attention is not the same as dating and it in no way reflects what may come in the future. 
• Just because they "enjoy spending time with you" and they text you every day does NOT mean they are interested now, or ever, in being with you. Someone who thinks highly of you, who thinks you're attractive, and who wants to be with you WILL tell you so. They won't be able to keep it in. They will tell you because they will be worried (as they should be) that they'll lose your attention and that you'll end up with someone else. Anyone who is not interested in every part of you is just taking up heart, head, and physical space. Take care of yourself and let them go. 
• Communication. Practice with your friends.
• It is no surprise to me that people don't know how to communicate with their significant others, because typically, we don't even know how to confront and be vulnerable with our friends. Practice. Speak up when you're hurt, work on your delivery, and learn to be a very active listener. 

Now, here's the thing. There are always exceptions. However, after experiencing enough wishy-washy, a relationship that was a game changer, and being sure I want the real thing, I'm adopting these practices as rules. I've learned that people rarely change and that it is never my responsibility to help them do so, but also that someone worth my heart will make me feel cherished. Some may say I'm boring, too serious, or too radical, but I completely disagree and I wish I would have internalized the fact that I am in control of my own dating life long ago. Just remember that what we allow is always what will continue. 

Life Lessons. Love, Tampa.

Two years ago, when I was leaving Atlanta, I created this list of things that I learned while living there. Now, two weeks out from my next interstate move, I came up with my Tampa list. I'm not sure if it was living in the sunshine state, being in graduate school, or moving out of my mid-twenties, but this season of life taught me more about myself than any before. This list is not anywhere near comprehensive, nor have I mastered these…but I'm thankful regardless.

1. Figure out what makes you happy and do more of it.
2. I value a purposeful life over almost everything else.
3. Life is funny, unpredictable, and sometimes hard, but there is not a lot I can do to control it. Enjoying the ride requires flexibility and gratitude.
4. Sometimes, it is okay to just live one minute at a time even if you wish life had a fast forward button.
5. There is NO common path and no one can tell you what decisions to make. Only you know what is best for you. It takes practice to be able to this confidently.
6. I want a life full of small adventure, love, and laughter.
7. People actually look up to me (what?) and I've learned to treat that as a responsibility. It keeps me honest.
8. My gut is smarter than my head and my heart.
9. When life feels difficult, it's okay to truly feel those emotions, but at some point, you need to let go and make yourself happier. It is unproductive to live in slumps.
10. I've learned a lot about asking for what I need and balancing that with my tendency to be a people-pleaser.
11. There comes a point when you have to decide whose opinions really matter and who you will allow to impact your life. I need trusted people to give me well-timed pep talks, to share in my joy, and to ask the right questions, but those things from the wrong people are NOT helpful.
12. There really are no rules and we have to figure out how to create our own stories. Although it sometimes doesn't feel this way, we actually have a lot of freedom to do so - we just have to make the commitment.
13. I need spontaneous people in my world who are able to throw out their plans on a whim.
14. Be a team player. It is better when people don't have to ask you to show up because they're already familiar with your reliability.
15. I'm thankful to have learned what true, healthy relationships really look like and I vow never to go backwards.

In just two short years, I feel like I experienced a lot of life. I've seen success, learned about change, been through heartbreak, growth, and joy, and earned a new degree. Honestly, I'm not really ready to let it all go…but then maybe that is a lesson in itself. I'm prepared to move on and it is best to do so before reaching a state of complacency. 

"The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be the beginning." 

- Ivy Baker Priest

Little Moments

"Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back, everything is different?" - C.S. Lewis

It is interesting that as you get older, life tends to make more sense. Not sense in that we have all the answers, but in the way that order emerges out of our young-self messes. You learn the lesson that everything happens for a reason, that the world will not simply hand you what you want, and that you are in charge of your own happiness. I learned another one of those little cliche lessons this past week - life can change in just {one} moment. In just one interaction, one phone call, one email, one drive, one step…one moment, everything can suddenly be different. This is one of those things that we all know but, have you ever really thought about that? 

You know what is even better than that though? To realize that, in actuality, that moment is the sum of many moments before that. It is serious validation that everything you've done up to this point was a step in the right direction, even if it felt like a step in the dark or a leap of faith. It suddenly becomes so clear that even though we endure hard days/weeks/months, that all of those little moments were working together for your greatest good, if you let them. It makes those impossible days worth it. Whether they served the purpose of changing your attitude, toughening your skin, or just creating space for God's ultimate plan, I have to believe that they have purpose. 

The scary thing is that all of this requires action from us. We cannot just sit around and hope that the little moments become one that changes us forever. We have to make intentional choices every single day and have the hope that they will pay off. We have to get up, we have to apply, we have to say "yes" to some things and "no" to others. We have to breakup, we have to allow ourselves to be loved, we have to work hard, and we have to be brave enough to change our plans sometimes. We have to persevere. We have to defy uncertainty and be decisive, knowing that one day, we will make it -whatever that means- and that, finally, the journey will all make sense and it will be beautiful. 

I don't know about you, but that gives me a heavy dose of hope and love for life. It also makes me so thankful for each tiny little moment. It makes me want to embrace each second and to share them widely. These culminating moments are such a blessing and I am thankful that my eyes have been opened to how they are painting our stories…and are making us better forever. 

Congrats, CSA.

In the scope of graduate school, tomorrow is a pretty big day. Comprehensive exams. I have spent the past three weeks refreshing and (in some cases) relearning, all of the material that I have digested over the past 1.5 years. We've learned a lot...and looking at it all together, it's clear that we actually KNOW a lot...mountains more than we did at the start. I'm proud of that, but what I think is more impactful is the knowledge that I've gained that cannot be accurately portrayed on a written exam.

I could make a pretty long list, but something that is undeniable to me is that I've gained a much greater ability to consider perspectives alternate to my own (I'll refrain from applying theory here). My mind has expanded and I can feel that it has more space to consider opinions that are opposite mine, to love people who have come from places I will never see (both physically and mentally), and to just generally find the good in all people and situations. The cliche phrase "someone is always fighting a harder battle" has personified itself in my students, classmates, and colleagues and that makes me thankful for them and for all that has led me to this day. I can tell that I am still new at this though. I sometimes have to fight to consider where someone is coming from, often have to "fix my face" when I disagree, and have to overcome my own unfair judgments. I stumble all the time, but this isn't something that gets mastered.

When I committed to entering this program almost 2 years ago to the day, I had no idea that this would be one of my greatest lessons. I expected to learn student development theories. I knew that I would have the opportunity to build relationships and I knew that I would be pushed and challenged. I hoped that I would experience leadership retreats and a dynamic staff environment. Those expectations have all been surpassed, but I did not know that almost under the table, my heart would grow, my mind would become more well-rounded, and that together, they almost became more human...or maybe just helped me become more me. 

So, congratulations, CSA program. I think you've won...and my little student affairs loving, comps-fearing heart is thankful.

Things I've Learned - A Reminder

"Life isn't about finding yourself. It's about creating yourself."

I was thumbing through some old papers this week and came across this list. I wrote it when I was on the plane home from my graduate school interview at USF, which would make it about 1.5 years old. Some of these are really great reminders and some of them could be amended with things I've learned since being in Tampa. #15 is still true...it is amazing what just one year can bring.

Things I've learned in Atlanta:
1. Long distance relationships with friends and family take work but are invaluable.
2. It is 100% possible to want to do your job every single day.
3. God does not live in Ohio and is bigger than I will ever be able to understand.
4. I will never get sick of southern winters.
5. Tin Lizzy's is the best choice always.
6. Sometimes, people will have more faith in you than you have in yourself. That is a good thing. But, at some point, you need to decide to listen to them.
7. A 45 minute commute will eventually get old.
8. Follow your dreams. Especially when they match your passions.
9. Never be too tired or too busy for late night phone calls and hang outs.
10. Make time.
11. Let go and let God.
12. Set boundaries and take time for yourself. Take a sick day!
13. Decide to invest in other people. Personally, spiritually, professionally. They could end up being your legacy.
14. Don't care so much.
15. Do not underestimate the length of a year - wait patiently.

Still thankful for that time in my life!

Airplane Thoughts - Resilience.

Something about traveling makes me extra reflective. Here is my TPA - CMH brain dump:

My job teaches me a lot every single day. This week, a theme seems to be the idea of resilience. Humans as a whole are incredibly resilient. We persevere through heartache, confusion, and illness. We fight disease and we walk through failure. We work on teams that change, we work on projects that get cut, we get caught in the rain, and through it all, often without thinking, we just keep.on.going. We run marathons, heal from broken bones, and overcome all kinds of loss. We adjust, we fight, and we place one foot in front of the other - no matter how small the step. Have you ever stopped to think about how incredible that is?  (Go ahead and do that…) What teaches us to be that way? Some of it is just human nature and the way our bodies naturally function - wild, huh? Physical resilience is nothing short of a miracle but it is something we can only influence. Often we don't hold the control.

What spurs us on though when the more emotional situations occur? Are we intrinsically resilient psychologically? I tend to think that we are not - at least not entirely.  I'm learning that it is important to identify what helps you to be this way though. Find out what helps you keep on and make sure to always have it close. Who do you want to call when you've had a stressful day? What is the first thing you want to do when you get home? What hobbies and interests have followed you from one place to another? Those are the things that really speak to our souls and help us to know that if our entire world changed tomorrow, we would make it through. 

One of our greatest tools, in my opinion, are relationships with other resilient people. We all need people who can tell from just a "hello" what kind of day we are having. We need people who can remind us how persistent we have been in the past and can reassure us that it won't stop now. Once you find them though, make your thankfulness known and do not let them get too far. These people make us stronger. They lighten our loads and sometimes even carry it for us when it feels too heavy. I guess you could call that resilience in numbers and that is pretty powerful. 

Forgiveness

"Forgiveness doesn't excuse their behavior. Forgiveness prevents their behavior from destroying your heart. "

I've been thinking a lot about forgiveness lately. People have different forgiveness philosophies. Some have a really hard time forgiving others. They see forgiveness as a cop out, as a way of letting the person who wronged them off the hook. Valid. Others prefer to forgive, but still make the decision to push the other person out of their lives. Also valid. I tend to hand forgiveness out like it's nothing. While this is also valid, the appearance that I hand it out willy-nilly is all wrong. 

I read a quote once, much like the one above, that talked about how forgiveness is more about healing your own heart than it is about the other person. This is so true. When another person has wronged me, I am the first to feel hurt, to be upset, and to want to run from the situation. However, that anger is not something that I can hold on to for very long. It feels heavy to me, it consumes way too much head space, and thinking about how hurt I am gives me serious anxiety. Being the extrovert that I am, I tend to always feel a need to confront that person...and I do this so that I can continue a relationship with them, even if it remains a little bit broken. When I have wronged someone else, I would always prefer that they clue me in. It is only fair that I do the same in return.

I'm wondering now how to strike a balance between all of the philosophies, though. While I am a firm believer in forgiveness, I also believe that sometimes forgiveness should come with new boundaries. Boundaries are about us, too...they help us to be compassionate towards ourselves and others at the same time. They also help us to hold others accountable. Sometimes, it takes awhile to finally understand when you've been wronged, and other times it is immediate. Due to my quickness to forgive, I tend to find myself in situations where I've let wrong after wrong pile up. While I know that the easiest answer here is to not surround myself with people I cannot trust with my heart, I also know that isn't realistic. I am not alone in this...we need to be better at setting boundaries and we should never have to bend them.

The thing about forgiveness though is that it is absolutely a gift. Even if it carries a selfish motive sometimes (a less heavy heart), making the decision to create a clean slate and to let go of whatever situation harmed you, is an absolute gift. No one likes to interact with a person who is upset with them. Everyone hates having to walk on egg shells after making a mistake. Confronting and forgiving relieves both parties of this - lucky them, right? Really though, everyone wins, and being able to move on is your victory. Happiness sometimes hinges on an ability to forgive. For the sake of clearing the air and carrying on in at least inner harmony, we could all use a little bit more forgiveness - both in give and take.

"Forgiveness is not always easy. At times it feels more painful than the wound we suffered, to forgive the one that inflicted it. And yet,    there is no peace without forgiveness." 

Flexibility

"May you master the art of accepting surprises and landing gracefully." 

I've been reminded a few times in the past week that life perpetually requires you to be flexible. Does anyone feel like they were born with this trait? The ability to be knocked off course without feeling defeated or like chaos abounded? I can absolutely assure you that I was not born that way.

A few years ago I tried to internalize a "go with the flow" attitude. I distinctly remember being in my apartment in Atlanta and having the realization that life is going to happen...no matter what I try to do to control it. This is true of everything but...in that moment, I realized that the only thing I could control was my attitude. I vividly remember thinking "what happens if I get a flat tire on my way to work tomorrow? Who am I going to call?!" After feeling a little bit of anxiety realizing that my family wouldn't be able to save me from 9 hours away, I decided that I couldn't live like that and I needed to free myself of it. I have the skills to problem solve, to take care of myself, and be to resourceful. So, I renewed my subscription to AAA :)

In all seriousness though, I think being able to go with the flow and having the ability to be flexible is a key component to living in the moment. It is something that I have to remind myself of a lot. This week has been a prime example. When I'm faced with change, my immediate reaction is to be the opposite of flexible. No matter how much I try, I do not like change. Flexibility requires a shift in mindset for me, depending on the situation. Being flexible about a restaurant for dinner is a little less challenging than changes in the workplace, but both require a decision. Life will go on regardless of if we throw a tantrum about it or not. We might as well attempt to be pleasant and go with the flow. Learning to be flexible, in my opinion, sets us up for greater success and more fun along the way. I'm not discounting the setback of challenge, but in situations where flexibility is a necessity and a lifeline, a lot of fun and growth can happen in between discomfort and solution.