Happiness: Halt!

Last night, I was perusing facebook and began to feel that nagging, their-life-is-better-than-yours attitude sneak in. I put down my phone and said to my partner "I think maybe I should give up Facebook for Lent."

There was a lot wrapped up in that statement, but the conversation that followed was about my view of happiness. My faithful readers (ha) will remember that I started this blog, almost TWO years ago with a post titled A Happiness Journey. I had just celebrated a birthday and decided then that I was committed to discovering happiness in the year following. I was committed to being on a path towards happiness, and to doing more of what truly brought me joy.

We continued to talk about why my happiness depends on the lives of other people, and how it really doesn't, but that I often find myself comparing and wondering "how can they be so happy all the time!? Should I be that happy? Are there things that I should be doing that would make me HAPPIER?!" If that reads: exhausting to you, you would be correct. But...I can't stop asking those questions if I'm on a happiness journey, right?

Wrong. Today, I'm wrestling with what a journey to happiness really means. I've done a lot of self-help reading on the topic and honestly, I think maybe I've missed a huge piece of the puzzle.

"But babe, happiness is a choice," he said. "And...there is a difference between happiness and what brings you pleasure. Those two things are not the same."

AND THEN...I woke up to this in my Best Lent Ever devotional:

(It appears that this is something I should explore.)

Happiness is a choice. Happiness is a choice. For someone who sometimes has trouble making a decision on what to have for breakfast, this is sorta scary. What exactly does this mean and how does one make a practice of choosing happiness in all of her moments?

That is a question that lends itself to another journey because I certainly do not know the answer. It is comforting though...to know this means knowing that I am 100% in control of my own happiness and that my joy is not dependent on anyone else...or on any social media picture...or on the way that anyone else defines their own happiness. It has no bearing on my ability and desire to be happy...I am the only one that can impact that.

So really, happiness is less about doing and more about just being. 

I read this article this morning (because this is an extremely popular topic...) and I think I found my new mantra and a start to an answer to the questions above:

Savor. Life is made up of many, many sweet moments and what is happier than holding on to those? I'm not sure what better defines happiness than the people and moments that make my heart feel full.

Savor. 

Cold Day Rest

Today,  I am experiencing a "cold day."

I'm not going to hide it...I jumped up and down when I read that text. Even my extroverted, must-be-around-people self is loving this day of unexpected rest alone. Praise it for being an unessential employee! 

Over the past few months, I've learned to truly value rest. Not the "sleep 8 hours a night" kind of rest, but the kind of rest that allows me to just...sit. And think. Or not think. And the kind of rest that leaves me with nowhere to be.  This is a sharp change in my life. I used to be one of those people who glorified busyness. I loved a full schedule and I hated being alone with nowhere to be. I filled up my life with people, places, problems, and projects. A successful weekend had time for chores during the day and each night planned with someone, somewhere. And now...I'm still in my pjs, doing laundry, and am on my 4th hour of shows on the Food Network and I.am.LOVING it. 

Rest, to me, looks like this today: feet up on the table, tv on, candle burning, plans to slowly clean, computer in hand, kindle at reach, a grateful heart for a day wiped of work (knowing that it will all still be there for me tomorrow) and not an ounce of care about the subzero temperatures. Lazy? Not to my new rest-loving self!

This new found fame of unplanned time in my life does not guarantee that it happens - I recognize that is potentially part of its value. Truth is, it rarely happens that an entire day is up to me, but let me tell you that I've started to look for these pockets of spare time. I've reframed the blessing of an hour, an evening, a full free day. I'm learning to put a big old stake in the time that is mine and to use it for blissful rest. 

If you're like me, rest is a learned love. I encourage you to explore it...find what fills your soul and the different ways that you gain energy and then do those, even if you have to start by scheduling them. In my opinion, mental health days should be a real, approved, celebrated thing. 

A Starting Over, Of Sorts

I love this little blog. I love it because it's filled with words (my favorite), with thoughts that I've wrestled with, and with what I hope is encouragement. I love it because it helps me process, to get out of my own head, and to engage in conversation. Something I don't love about it? I just can't seem to be consistent!

Since I wrote my last post (October...awful!), I've often thought about writing, but haven't found anything to say. I've said more than once "I just haven't been inspired..." and in this moment, I'm calling my own bluff. The past few months have been FULL of discovery, FULL of trial, and FULL of learning that should have led to incredible joy. I've struuuugggggllleeeddd through change and transition (a theme throughout this space). I've been fully tested on vulnerability,  I've experienced pure, true, exciting love, I've taken trips, found new pizza places, and had conversations with students who are just about to change the world. How can all of that be anything less than inspiring?

So here is what I'm thinking...I'm committing to be inspired everyday. To search for little shiny things in seemingly boring moments. To take note of the extraordinary words and actions from people around me. And...to write about my experiences. To tell stories, to share thoughts, and to write so that I am able to fully realize how wonderful, colorful, and inspiring this life really is.