Things I've Learned - A Reminder

"Life isn't about finding yourself. It's about creating yourself."

I was thumbing through some old papers this week and came across this list. I wrote it when I was on the plane home from my graduate school interview at USF, which would make it about 1.5 years old. Some of these are really great reminders and some of them could be amended with things I've learned since being in Tampa. #15 is still true...it is amazing what just one year can bring.

Things I've learned in Atlanta:
1. Long distance relationships with friends and family take work but are invaluable.
2. It is 100% possible to want to do your job every single day.
3. God does not live in Ohio and is bigger than I will ever be able to understand.
4. I will never get sick of southern winters.
5. Tin Lizzy's is the best choice always.
6. Sometimes, people will have more faith in you than you have in yourself. That is a good thing. But, at some point, you need to decide to listen to them.
7. A 45 minute commute will eventually get old.
8. Follow your dreams. Especially when they match your passions.
9. Never be too tired or too busy for late night phone calls and hang outs.
10. Make time.
11. Let go and let God.
12. Set boundaries and take time for yourself. Take a sick day!
13. Decide to invest in other people. Personally, spiritually, professionally. They could end up being your legacy.
14. Don't care so much.
15. Do not underestimate the length of a year - wait patiently.

Still thankful for that time in my life!

Airplane Thoughts - Resilience.

Something about traveling makes me extra reflective. Here is my TPA - CMH brain dump:

My job teaches me a lot every single day. This week, a theme seems to be the idea of resilience. Humans as a whole are incredibly resilient. We persevere through heartache, confusion, and illness. We fight disease and we walk through failure. We work on teams that change, we work on projects that get cut, we get caught in the rain, and through it all, often without thinking, we just keep.on.going. We run marathons, heal from broken bones, and overcome all kinds of loss. We adjust, we fight, and we place one foot in front of the other - no matter how small the step. Have you ever stopped to think about how incredible that is?  (Go ahead and do that…) What teaches us to be that way? Some of it is just human nature and the way our bodies naturally function - wild, huh? Physical resilience is nothing short of a miracle but it is something we can only influence. Often we don't hold the control.

What spurs us on though when the more emotional situations occur? Are we intrinsically resilient psychologically? I tend to think that we are not - at least not entirely.  I'm learning that it is important to identify what helps you to be this way though. Find out what helps you keep on and make sure to always have it close. Who do you want to call when you've had a stressful day? What is the first thing you want to do when you get home? What hobbies and interests have followed you from one place to another? Those are the things that really speak to our souls and help us to know that if our entire world changed tomorrow, we would make it through. 

One of our greatest tools, in my opinion, are relationships with other resilient people. We all need people who can tell from just a "hello" what kind of day we are having. We need people who can remind us how persistent we have been in the past and can reassure us that it won't stop now. Once you find them though, make your thankfulness known and do not let them get too far. These people make us stronger. They lighten our loads and sometimes even carry it for us when it feels too heavy. I guess you could call that resilience in numbers and that is pretty powerful. 

Forgiveness

"Forgiveness doesn't excuse their behavior. Forgiveness prevents their behavior from destroying your heart. "

I've been thinking a lot about forgiveness lately. People have different forgiveness philosophies. Some have a really hard time forgiving others. They see forgiveness as a cop out, as a way of letting the person who wronged them off the hook. Valid. Others prefer to forgive, but still make the decision to push the other person out of their lives. Also valid. I tend to hand forgiveness out like it's nothing. While this is also valid, the appearance that I hand it out willy-nilly is all wrong. 

I read a quote once, much like the one above, that talked about how forgiveness is more about healing your own heart than it is about the other person. This is so true. When another person has wronged me, I am the first to feel hurt, to be upset, and to want to run from the situation. However, that anger is not something that I can hold on to for very long. It feels heavy to me, it consumes way too much head space, and thinking about how hurt I am gives me serious anxiety. Being the extrovert that I am, I tend to always feel a need to confront that person...and I do this so that I can continue a relationship with them, even if it remains a little bit broken. When I have wronged someone else, I would always prefer that they clue me in. It is only fair that I do the same in return.

I'm wondering now how to strike a balance between all of the philosophies, though. While I am a firm believer in forgiveness, I also believe that sometimes forgiveness should come with new boundaries. Boundaries are about us, too...they help us to be compassionate towards ourselves and others at the same time. They also help us to hold others accountable. Sometimes, it takes awhile to finally understand when you've been wronged, and other times it is immediate. Due to my quickness to forgive, I tend to find myself in situations where I've let wrong after wrong pile up. While I know that the easiest answer here is to not surround myself with people I cannot trust with my heart, I also know that isn't realistic. I am not alone in this...we need to be better at setting boundaries and we should never have to bend them.

The thing about forgiveness though is that it is absolutely a gift. Even if it carries a selfish motive sometimes (a less heavy heart), making the decision to create a clean slate and to let go of whatever situation harmed you, is an absolute gift. No one likes to interact with a person who is upset with them. Everyone hates having to walk on egg shells after making a mistake. Confronting and forgiving relieves both parties of this - lucky them, right? Really though, everyone wins, and being able to move on is your victory. Happiness sometimes hinges on an ability to forgive. For the sake of clearing the air and carrying on in at least inner harmony, we could all use a little bit more forgiveness - both in give and take.

"Forgiveness is not always easy. At times it feels more painful than the wound we suffered, to forgive the one that inflicted it. And yet,    there is no peace without forgiveness."