Cold Day Rest

Today,  I am experiencing a "cold day."

I'm not going to hide it...I jumped up and down when I read that text. Even my extroverted, must-be-around-people self is loving this day of unexpected rest alone. Praise it for being an unessential employee! 

Over the past few months, I've learned to truly value rest. Not the "sleep 8 hours a night" kind of rest, but the kind of rest that allows me to just...sit. And think. Or not think. And the kind of rest that leaves me with nowhere to be.  This is a sharp change in my life. I used to be one of those people who glorified busyness. I loved a full schedule and I hated being alone with nowhere to be. I filled up my life with people, places, problems, and projects. A successful weekend had time for chores during the day and each night planned with someone, somewhere. And now...I'm still in my pjs, doing laundry, and am on my 4th hour of shows on the Food Network and I.am.LOVING it. 

Rest, to me, looks like this today: feet up on the table, tv on, candle burning, plans to slowly clean, computer in hand, kindle at reach, a grateful heart for a day wiped of work (knowing that it will all still be there for me tomorrow) and not an ounce of care about the subzero temperatures. Lazy? Not to my new rest-loving self!

This new found fame of unplanned time in my life does not guarantee that it happens - I recognize that is potentially part of its value. Truth is, it rarely happens that an entire day is up to me, but let me tell you that I've started to look for these pockets of spare time. I've reframed the blessing of an hour, an evening, a full free day. I'm learning to put a big old stake in the time that is mine and to use it for blissful rest. 

If you're like me, rest is a learned love. I encourage you to explore it...find what fills your soul and the different ways that you gain energy and then do those, even if you have to start by scheduling them. In my opinion, mental health days should be a real, approved, celebrated thing. 

A Starting Over, Of Sorts

I love this little blog. I love it because it's filled with words (my favorite), with thoughts that I've wrestled with, and with what I hope is encouragement. I love it because it helps me process, to get out of my own head, and to engage in conversation. Something I don't love about it? I just can't seem to be consistent!

Since I wrote my last post (October...awful!), I've often thought about writing, but haven't found anything to say. I've said more than once "I just haven't been inspired..." and in this moment, I'm calling my own bluff. The past few months have been FULL of discovery, FULL of trial, and FULL of learning that should have led to incredible joy. I've struuuugggggllleeeddd through change and transition (a theme throughout this space). I've been fully tested on vulnerability,  I've experienced pure, true, exciting love, I've taken trips, found new pizza places, and had conversations with students who are just about to change the world. How can all of that be anything less than inspiring?

So here is what I'm thinking...I'm committing to be inspired everyday. To search for little shiny things in seemingly boring moments. To take note of the extraordinary words and actions from people around me. And...to write about my experiences. To tell stories, to share thoughts, and to write so that I am able to fully realize how wonderful, colorful, and inspiring this life really is.

Expectations or Limitations?

"Nearly all the best things that came to me in life have been unexpected, unplanned by me." - Carl Sandburg

I have a lot of questions today. 

I've heard before (and believed) that having high expectations sets you up for failure. I understand the sentiment, but recently I've been working on a perspective shift…could expectations essentially be limitations? If we have expectations of any degree, will we miss outcomes that could be even greater than the ones we experience due to setting our sights specifically on what we believe (or want) to be true?

If I expect to go to the grocery store to simply buy the items on my list, will I miss the fact that Peanut m&ms are on sale? (Such a shame!) More seriously…if I set an expectation for the qualities I want in a partner…will I shut myself off to someone who is even greater than that prescribed expectation? That list of qualities that I decided were important (so important that I wrote them down…) 5 years ago could end up being a limitation if I've conditioned myself to search for them and only them. What if those expectations really are setting us up for disappointment? If our expectation is that it will not snow until December, and it ends up snowing in October, will we miss the beauty because we've covered it up with disbelief?

What if we didn't have an expectation? What if we lived truly moment by moment and everything that came to us was a surprise..one for which we were always grateful? Will that practice limit disappointment? Does it limit inconvenience? Could having an expectation possibly limit…joy?

I'm starting to wonder if expectations make our worlds less colorful, if they shut us off from all things possible, and if we are selling ourselves short by being rigid in our desires.

This view is not to discount standing firm on your values and being sure of your worth. You deserve that job you've worked hard for. You deserve to be treated fairly and you deserve a partner who far exceeds your non-negotiable standards. I'm only suggesting that, when there's room, we loosen our expectations to leave room for surprises that we didn't even know to want.