Strangely, I think that the past two years have given me a (very little) glimpse of what it is like to be a parent. Although I skipped ages 0-17 with these students, I've learned that parents always want the best for their children and that they just wish that they would listen and learn from the experiences of their own pasts. I value the time that I've had to invest in the lives of my students…and am thankful for the space that they've given me to do so. It is my hope that beyond leadership, conflict management, and StrengthsQuest, that I can teach them about life earlier than I learned of it. I believe in the value of experience, but maybe my own experiences can save them from excess hurt and confusion…and todays thoughts are on dating. So, from someone who feels like a strange mix of big sister, teacher and mother, here is my best (tried and true) advice.

• Keep the person of your dreams in mind.
• They really are out there. Your perfect person is out there and each decision we make with another potential "love" interest impacts that future relationship. The behaviors that you develop now are shaping the way your relationship will be with your forever partner. Work now for the health of that relationship. This means letting people go who don't realize your worth, listening to those who keep you honest, and having willpower and self-control. It seems weird to think of someone you don't know yet, but I view it as gift to my future husband…I respect him enough already to make good decisions. Forever really begins now…with you, single. 
• If you find yourself wondering for more than a few months if the person you're dating (or "dating") has the potential to be your one for life, they probably aren't. 
• If this person is making questionable choices, has stopped treating you like their priority, and cannot communicate how they feel about you, they aren't ready for you…and you cannot wait for them.  You do not have to be 100% positive, but if you know the potential isn't even there…be strong enough to walk away because…well, #1. 
• We are young and a work in progress. Work to be the person you are looking for is looking for. 
• I first heard this during an unconventional sermon series on dating a few years ago and it truly changed my perspective (it's good…let me know if you're interested). Think about your daily actions like this…would I want my future partner to be doing this today? Would I want them to say this? Would I want them to treat people in this way? If the answer is no, maybe you shouldn't be doing it either. 
• Discover your own worthiness. You are invaluable and deserve someone who will treat you as such. Spend time figuring out how to love the person you are becoming. If you need help, I would be happy to provide. 
• Having their attention is not the same as dating and it in no way reflects what may come in the future. 
• Just because they "enjoy spending time with you" and they text you every day does NOT mean they are interested now, or ever, in being with you. Someone who thinks highly of you, who thinks you're attractive, and who wants to be with you WILL tell you so. They won't be able to keep it in. They will tell you because they will be worried (as they should be) that they'll lose your attention and that you'll end up with someone else. Anyone who is not interested in every part of you is just taking up heart, head, and physical space. Take care of yourself and let them go. 
• Communication. Practice with your friends.
• It is no surprise to me that people don't know how to communicate with their significant others, because typically, we don't even know how to confront and be vulnerable with our friends. Practice. Speak up when you're hurt, work on your delivery, and learn to be a very active listener. 

Now, here's the thing. There are always exceptions. However, after experiencing enough wishy-washy, a relationship that was a game changer, and being sure I want the real thing, I'm adopting these practices as rules. I've learned that people rarely change and that it is never my responsibility to help them do so, but also that someone worth my heart will make me feel cherished. Some may say I'm boring, too serious, or too radical, but I completely disagree and I wish I would have internalized the fact that I am in control of my own dating life long ago. Just remember that what we allow is always what will continue. 

Life Lessons. Love, Tampa.

Two years ago, when I was leaving Atlanta, I created this list of things that I learned while living there. Now, two weeks out from my next interstate move, I came up with my Tampa list. I'm not sure if it was living in the sunshine state, being in graduate school, or moving out of my mid-twenties, but this season of life taught me more about myself than any before. This list is not anywhere near comprehensive, nor have I mastered these…but I'm thankful regardless.

1. Figure out what makes you happy and do more of it.
2. I value a purposeful life over almost everything else.
3. Life is funny, unpredictable, and sometimes hard, but there is not a lot I can do to control it. Enjoying the ride requires flexibility and gratitude.
4. Sometimes, it is okay to just live one minute at a time even if you wish life had a fast forward button.
5. There is NO common path and no one can tell you what decisions to make. Only you know what is best for you. It takes practice to be able to this confidently.
6. I want a life full of small adventure, love, and laughter.
7. People actually look up to me (what?) and I've learned to treat that as a responsibility. It keeps me honest.
8. My gut is smarter than my head and my heart.
9. When life feels difficult, it's okay to truly feel those emotions, but at some point, you need to let go and make yourself happier. It is unproductive to live in slumps.
10. I've learned a lot about asking for what I need and balancing that with my tendency to be a people-pleaser.
11. There comes a point when you have to decide whose opinions really matter and who you will allow to impact your life. I need trusted people to give me well-timed pep talks, to share in my joy, and to ask the right questions, but those things from the wrong people are NOT helpful.
12. There really are no rules and we have to figure out how to create our own stories. Although it sometimes doesn't feel this way, we actually have a lot of freedom to do so - we just have to make the commitment.
13. I need spontaneous people in my world who are able to throw out their plans on a whim.
14. Be a team player. It is better when people don't have to ask you to show up because they're already familiar with your reliability.
15. I'm thankful to have learned what true, healthy relationships really look like and I vow never to go backwards.

In just two short years, I feel like I experienced a lot of life. I've seen success, learned about change, been through heartbreak, growth, and joy, and earned a new degree. Honestly, I'm not really ready to let it all go…but then maybe that is a lesson in itself. I'm prepared to move on and it is best to do so before reaching a state of complacency. 

"The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be the beginning." 

- Ivy Baker Priest

Little Moments

"Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back, everything is different?" - C.S. Lewis

It is interesting that as you get older, life tends to make more sense. Not sense in that we have all the answers, but in the way that order emerges out of our young-self messes. You learn the lesson that everything happens for a reason, that the world will not simply hand you what you want, and that you are in charge of your own happiness. I learned another one of those little cliche lessons this past week - life can change in just {one} moment. In just one interaction, one phone call, one email, one drive, one step…one moment, everything can suddenly be different. This is one of those things that we all know but, have you ever really thought about that? 

You know what is even better than that though? To realize that, in actuality, that moment is the sum of many moments before that. It is serious validation that everything you've done up to this point was a step in the right direction, even if it felt like a step in the dark or a leap of faith. It suddenly becomes so clear that even though we endure hard days/weeks/months, that all of those little moments were working together for your greatest good, if you let them. It makes those impossible days worth it. Whether they served the purpose of changing your attitude, toughening your skin, or just creating space for God's ultimate plan, I have to believe that they have purpose. 

The scary thing is that all of this requires action from us. We cannot just sit around and hope that the little moments become one that changes us forever. We have to make intentional choices every single day and have the hope that they will pay off. We have to get up, we have to apply, we have to say "yes" to some things and "no" to others. We have to breakup, we have to allow ourselves to be loved, we have to work hard, and we have to be brave enough to change our plans sometimes. We have to persevere. We have to defy uncertainty and be decisive, knowing that one day, we will make it -whatever that means- and that, finally, the journey will all make sense and it will be beautiful. 

I don't know about you, but that gives me a heavy dose of hope and love for life. It also makes me so thankful for each tiny little moment. It makes me want to embrace each second and to share them widely. These culminating moments are such a blessing and I am thankful that my eyes have been opened to how they are painting our stories…and are making us better forever.