Transition - It's Hard and Here to Stay.

"It's not the change that's hard. It is the loss associated with that change that is hard."

I love this quote and I've been thinking a lot over the past few months about how true it is. I've always felt that change is hard. I don't like it and I don't think I ever will. Even if I know something great is on the horizon, I struggle through transition. This quote tells me why. I'm capable of making changes in my life, of moving on, etc, but what I am terrible at is letting go. 

Is change hard? Sure. Examples: Are breakups hard? YES. But what really makes me so heartbroken is the loss of having a person, of feeling valued and safe, and of what the future could have been. The breakup is hard, but the loss is worse. Is leaving college/school/a job hard? Definitely. But it isn't the change that is really that difficult (no homework, more free time?!)…it is walking away from comfort, not being able to see the people who have strengthened you, made you laugh, loved you, and who quickly became your family. It is walking away from a job that gave you such purpose, that taught you how to be successful, and how to take it all in stride. Is starting a diet hard? Sure but…what is harder is abandoning what you used to eat, not sleeping in on a Saturday, having more free time before making that gym commitment. Is moving hard? UGH YES. Okay yeah…moving is just hard.  

Trucking through transition often feels like walking through an almost-dry cement river. It is difficult, and feels slow, but you almost feel you need to move as fast as possible to get to the other side so that you can stop feeling loss. Being on the other side of transition allows us to create something new that eventually fills up the space that the loss left. What I'm learning is that it is all okay. It is okay that I don't like change and that I'm scared of the loss. It is okay that, for now, I feel like I'm just wandering. I'm learning that life will always be this way. It'll be rare to find a phase of life that isn't framed by transition. It was great to learn about transition theories in grad school but I think I need to write my own called "The Buckle Up, Life = Transition Theory."

There isn't much encouragement coming from this post other than sharing with you where I currently stand. I think we all struggle with transition at some point…some of you are just better letting go-ers than I am, but I'm okay with that, too.

"How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard?" 

- Winnie the Pooh